September 2009 Dr. Mama Question
Dear Dr. Mama,
Our Angels baby came to us about 6 months ago when he was 17 months old. He’s now approaching his 2nd birthday and we’re starting to think about whether it’s the right time to start potty training. We have 2 older daughters, now 17 and 19, and it seems like that’s about the time they trained.
The situation is a bit complicated by the fact that he’s just started having weekly sleepover visits with his biological mom, who also has a 3-month-old infant. It might be a lot to ask for her to work with us on potty training, but I don’t want to sell him short and keep him in diapers too long.
What do you think?
Ready in Ramona
Dear Ready,
Your question is a good one, and it brings up lots of issues to be considered. First, and most important, is your little guy ready? Successful potty training hinges on his physical ability to control bladder and bowels, and that’s a developmental question that varies from child to child. I usually advise parents to wait until about 2 ½ — the average age for readiness — and then keep an eye out for signals that he’s gearing up to toss the diapers.
Like does he tell you he wants his diaper changed when he’s wet or poopy? Does he let you know when he’s about to go in the diaper? Does he stay dry for several hours at a time or throughout a nap? Does he seem interested in ‘big boy underwear’ or using the potty? Is he able to get his bottom half dressed and undressed by himself? These are all signs that he’s getting ready.
Typically, girls get there a bit sooner than boys, so while your older ones may have mastered control at around 2, your little guy might take a few extra months.
Once he’s ready, be sure and keep it positive. Follow his lead and give lots of praise, including small rewards like an m&m or fruit chew each time he’s successful. At first, keep him in underwear during the day to reinforce the habit, even if he has a few accidents, while using only pull-ups at night. Explain that he doesn’t need diapers anymore, because he’s a big boy.
The issue of his bio mom is a bit tricky. Try getting her to join in the plan with you before you begin. Let her know that when he gains independence in the potty department it’s a sign that he’s not a baby anymore, and mothering 2 babies is TOUGH. Support her hard work in the hope that she’ll get on board and work with you, because that’s best for everyone. An added bonus – it sets a great parenting example.
And remember – if you start potty training and find that he’s not quite there yet, not to worry. Just wait a couple of months and try again. Keep it simple, and keep it light.
Good luck! Life without diapers is a whole new place.
~ Dr. Mama
