October 2009 Dr. Mama Question
Dear Dr. Mama,
We picked up our adorable Angels baby about a week ago, well 8 days to be exact. He’s 11 months old, and just the cutest, sweetest thing you ever saw. Unfortunately, he’s suffered some injuries and broken bones because of an abusive home, which is how he came to us.
I don’t understand how anyone could deliberately hurt a child, and my heart aches for this little one. The social workers say his injuries are healed, but my question is, how do we care for him? Do we need to treat him differently? Hold him differently? Should we be feeding him a special diet to make him stronger? He’s beginning to stand and cruise along holding on to things – should I let him try to walk? I’m not sure what’s safe and I find myself being extra cautious. My husband says I’m too nervous and we should treat him like we would any baby. Who’s right?
Hovering in Hillcrest
Dear Hovering,
I love your question because it says it all about why our Angels parents are so AMAZING. The depth of your concern reminds me how important it is to do what we do.
You and your husband are both a little bit right. The physical damage done to your guy WILL heal, and based on what the social workers have told you, they don’t expect any chronic problems as a result. So hold him and hug him, let him play and grow, and encourage every new milestone he’s ready to reach for. Feed him a healthy diet with enough protein for his quick-growing muscles and bones and lots of fruits and veggies, just as you would do with any toddler.
In other words, no special treatment is necessary on the physical side once he’s been cleared by the doctors, but his emotional health is another question altogether. This little guy has been traumatized, and though it may have happened at a very young age, we don’t really know how much is – or isn’t – imprinted on his growing brain. So that does warrant some extra attention.
This child hasn’t experienced a consistent, loving relationship with parents until eight days ago, and chances are it will take awhile for him to learn to trust it. You don’t mention any behavioral problems, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he starts to show some, like sleep disturbances, fearfulness, or emotional wariness. So keep an eye out and share your worries with your Angels support system. We’re here to help.
In the meantime, shower your guy with love, attention, and consistent limits. Avoid the temptation to let him get away with stuff that you wouldn’t allow a toddler without his history. He needs to know you love him enough to say ‘no’ when you need to, with gentle kindness, not punishment. His spirit has been battered too, and your caring can go a long way to healing those wounds.
Please picture all of us applauding you and your family. It is remarkable and special to open your home and your heart to save a life in this way, and our community is hugely grateful. That little munchkin is so fortunate …
—Dr. Mama
